Today is Dr sharon kwan last class, we even have our presention done today. ME And my partner in ums got ourselves praises from Dr sharon.
"well done. Good job. ".
We were so nervous because she isnt the one you can "fried noodles" with. She is intelligent, not some useless brat making stories aBout their a
achievement. (unlike someone named davis in ums who talk big about himself as clinician while he only has master in business management. ))
In her class, she mentioned aBout "CBT" and cognitive related behavior. then it mad eme rethink that last night I was thinking about my fear and trauma has stopped me from being friendly , being charm, cheerful, outgoing and happy go lucky.
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I have a terrible relationship experience. I was in love with a loser where I have hard time moving on. That loser is a church member of mine, a year old of relationship ended in his inferiority and my egoism.
I knew him in church and he came to me claiming as single as fuck. after months then I only found out he has another girlfriend long before me. WTH. I have unconsciously became a third party.
I made myself silly thinking Maybe he loves me more , but ended up he doesnt. The most stupid part is I am crazy about him and cant leave him until he made himself a completely loser who leave his own job and live in miserable.
Hoooo... I cant tolerant loser. So I leave him. Another thing is He might be in super inferiority until he made himself disappear from me totally. I guess it is because i am not dumb enough to give a fuck over his failure in life.
Yes. I got hurt badly. He ran back to another one to seek comfort or perhaps emotional support that I dont give. I have rm20k that month but I dont even spare him a cent even though he has been in great poverty due to resigning from his job abruptly.
ha. I cant tolerant loser.
Ok. The things that he is a cheater , he is a failurer and disloyal really hit me.
Luckily he never got back to me after disappearing for a month. I tried to talk to him but he seems like gone from the world. so... who cares.
I have tried to motivate him.in his sorrow and depression. I have triwd to do my part as a supporter when he is in distress and miserable. what i cant stand is the only things he concern eventhough he is a loser is facebook, online, handphone, football, blaming politic. What ?
Blaming politic over your own failure ?
You have all the superiority you need as a local indigeous and you talk to me a chinese about the government made you like this.
You must be kidding.
Ha... loser loser.......
he is a total full marks loser , until I fear to talk to guys who present with the similar physical appearance and non verbal behavior like him.
I am so scared of that type of guys. I am so scared of another one like him. I am so scared about him and his girlfriend until I dont want to meet anyone. until I locked myself up in a self made cage.
I have been there for three years until Dr sharon''s class that knocked me awake since last week.
I have been so scared.
I have been so pranoid.
I have been so low esteem
I have been so hurt
I have been in sorrow
I have been in depression
I have been in a state I cant barely live thinking about
I have been in deep drying state
I have been crying all days
I have been crying all night
I have been making myself asleep.for days and night. wake up in tears, sleeping in tears.
I have been so miserable ans desperate
I have been so torn
I have been into pieces
I have been crazy
I have been so embarrased
I have been so unstabile
I have been trying to forget
I have been trying to ignore
I have been trying to live without thinking or care about it
I have been trying not to live in my own stigma.
I have made myself a sinner
I have made myself a black patch on my white clothe
I have made myself look silly
I have made myself a joke to others
I have made no new friends due to my own stigma i put on myself.
I made a cage to lock myself up.
I think that I am not worthy to love.
I have been almost dying
I have been in it
deeply
unforgetable
undetachable
unwashable
uncleanable
unvaniahable
unleavable.
I have been in it
crying, begging, resenting, regreting, wishing, hoping, dissapointing, dying again and again..
I have been in it
not admiting, not facing, not thinking, not remmebering, not recalling, not telling, not talking, not seeing, not finding, not hurting, not happy, not understand, not caring , not appreciating, not hoping, not anything again and again..
I heard
I saw
I hurt
My heart scared
I am full of fear
I really hate you
very hate you.
I really hope if you can die
I have no sympathy to you anymore
I have no heart for you anymore
i really hate you
really am.
I HATE YOU
this is so damn real.
I hate everyone that known you, related to you and talk about you.
I hate you
This is a no end hatred.
This is a full hatred.
hate until forever
hate until last day
hate until no words can explain.
I am going to find a new man and get married. A new good man.
Amen.
"well done. Good job. ".
We were so nervous because she isnt the one you can "fried noodles" with. She is intelligent, not some useless brat making stories aBout their a
achievement. (unlike someone named davis in ums who talk big about himself as clinician while he only has master in business management. ))
In her class, she mentioned aBout "CBT" and cognitive related behavior. then it mad eme rethink that last night I was thinking about my fear and trauma has stopped me from being friendly , being charm, cheerful, outgoing and happy go lucky.
I have a terrible relationship experience. I was in love with a loser where I have hard time moving on. That loser is a church member of mine, a year old of relationship ended in his inferiority and my egoism.
I knew him in church and he came to me claiming as single as fuck. after months then I only found out he has another girlfriend long before me. WTH. I have unconsciously became a third party.
I made myself silly thinking Maybe he loves me more , but ended up he doesnt. The most stupid part is I am crazy about him and cant leave him until he made himself a completely loser who leave his own job and live in miserable.
Hoooo... I cant tolerant loser. So I leave him. Another thing is He might be in super inferiority until he made himself disappear from me totally. I guess it is because i am not dumb enough to give a fuck over his failure in life.
Yes. I got hurt badly. He ran back to another one to seek comfort or perhaps emotional support that I dont give. I have rm20k that month but I dont even spare him a cent even though he has been in great poverty due to resigning from his job abruptly.
ha. I cant tolerant loser.
Ok. The things that he is a cheater , he is a failurer and disloyal really hit me.
Luckily he never got back to me after disappearing for a month. I tried to talk to him but he seems like gone from the world. so... who cares.
I have tried to motivate him.in his sorrow and depression. I have triwd to do my part as a supporter when he is in distress and miserable. what i cant stand is the only things he concern eventhough he is a loser is facebook, online, handphone, football, blaming politic. What ?
Blaming politic over your own failure ?
You have all the superiority you need as a local indigeous and you talk to me a chinese about the government made you like this.
You must be kidding.
Ha... loser loser.......
he is a total full marks loser , until I fear to talk to guys who present with the similar physical appearance and non verbal behavior like him.
I am so scared of that type of guys. I am so scared of another one like him. I am so scared about him and his girlfriend until I dont want to meet anyone. until I locked myself up in a self made cage.
I have been there for three years until Dr sharon''s class that knocked me awake since last week.
I have been so scared.
I have been so pranoid.
I have been so low esteem
I have been so hurt
I have been in sorrow
I have been in depression
I have been in a state I cant barely live thinking about
I have been in deep drying state
I have been crying all days
I have been crying all night
I have been making myself asleep.for days and night. wake up in tears, sleeping in tears.
I have been so miserable ans desperate
I have been so torn
I have been into pieces
I have been crazy
I have been so embarrased
I have been so unstabile
I have been trying to forget
I have been trying to ignore
I have been trying to live without thinking or care about it
I have been trying not to live in my own stigma.
I have made myself a sinner
I have made myself a black patch on my white clothe
I have made myself look silly
I have made myself a joke to others
I have made no new friends due to my own stigma i put on myself.
I made a cage to lock myself up.
I think that I am not worthy to love.
I have been almost dying
I have been in it
deeply
unforgetable
undetachable
unwashable
uncleanable
unvaniahable
unleavable.
I have been in it
crying, begging, resenting, regreting, wishing, hoping, dissapointing, dying again and again..
I have been in it
not admiting, not facing, not thinking, not remmebering, not recalling, not telling, not talking, not seeing, not finding, not hurting, not happy, not understand, not caring , not appreciating, not hoping, not anything again and again..
I heard
I saw
I hurt
My heart scared
I am full of fear
I really hate you
very hate you.
I really hope if you can die
I have no sympathy to you anymore
I have no heart for you anymore
i really hate you
really am.
I HATE YOU
this is so damn real.
I hate everyone that known you, related to you and talk about you.
I hate you
This is a no end hatred.
This is a full hatred.
hate until forever
hate until last day
hate until no words can explain.
I am going to find a new man and get married. A new good man.
Amen.